Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize