I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
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