What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
