Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
