my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Randomize
