who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize