Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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