I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
