Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
