So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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