Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
