Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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