You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
He kissed a someone with a penis
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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