There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
