I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
