the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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