She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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