Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Farmville is her only friend.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
