ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
