he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
