I wannas sexs uuuuu
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize