he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
