Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
