I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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