I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
