You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
