My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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