my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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