$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
