He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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