; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
