you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
