sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
time to smoke my breakfast
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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