At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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