so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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