The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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