so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You may now shotgun with the bride
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
