tell your sister to shave her snatch
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
