You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
