So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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