Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
