okay pat passed out under dana's car
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
