ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
