In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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