after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
