So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
