three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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