i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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