It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
