I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
