Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
