I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize