and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I forget how to act sober
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