yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
