I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
