I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize