ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
