I can't breathe out the right side of my face
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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