look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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