She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
They are going to name an STD after you.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
