i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
