First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Is Oprah even human
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
