I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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