this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
