So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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