If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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