so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize