I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
