i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
