when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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