Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
