you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
