this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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