You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
