On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
worst night to have a conscience
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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