i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize