I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Drunk walkin through police station. America
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
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