So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
