Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
