Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
