I just pynch a tree in the face
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize