About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
