No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
