i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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