real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I need to stop coming to work sober
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
