Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
