It's Friday. Sex?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
