After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
