Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
