Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
so let's talk penis.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
