I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
