bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
