Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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