i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
