I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
