You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
