plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
