I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
