If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
God I need to hump something, right now.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
