We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
