I hate all girls vehemently.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
