I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
