basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
