I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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