booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Randomize
