i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
