I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Text me some of your sweat
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