That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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