My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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