So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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