So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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