how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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