laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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